As I lay in bed last night looking into His sleeping face, I prayed that He would realize how badly i need a real discipline session. I have been holding back the urge to *Bratt* him. Because then He will withhold a spanking because He thinks i am topping from the bottom. What i have been needing, but too embarrassed to tell Him, is a spanking so severe that i will behave and do the right thing because i will fear another spanking like it. Don't misunderstand, He does discipline me, he has brought me to tears and full of *I promise i will be good* and i have had a very sore bottom. But this need that i have been having is different than before. I need to fear it, the spankings He has given me in the past have hurt and worked for short periods of time, and although while it was happening i was not liking the burning of my bottom, i still never *feared* being spanked. i want to be good, i want to do the right things, but i can not be that good girl without a severe reminder from Him. i need for Him to discipline me way beyond my limit. i need to fear another session like it if my behavior does not change. i find myself engaging in acts that could hurt myself and my marriage. All because i can't control my bratty urges. Crazy? maybe...yea, i guess i am.