A little while back I was roaming around the internet and I came across a site where you could meet people who share the same interests. It caught my attention and I joined. Now before you judge me, just wait and hear me out. I LOVE MY DADDY....I don't know what gets into me, I just get carried away sometimes. I would NEVER cheat on Him. I do like the idea of being disciplined by someone else, but only if My Daddy approved and watched. I intended on just browsing around, but the temptation was strong when I came across a man who really seemed to *GET* me. The more I talked with this man the stronger the temptation became. I was truthful with my new interest, I told him I am married and I adore my husband and wouldn't do anything without getting His permission. I didn't want sex with this person and he was fully aware of that. Yet I was drawn to him while feeling also like i was totally disrespecting My Daddy. When I began to not trust my own actions, I went to The Daddy and told Him what I had done. I hated myself and needed Daddy's guidance. We talked for a long time and I was disciplined probally less severley than I deserved. Daddy made me write a letter of apology to the man and then delete out of that site and the new e-mail that i had made to converse with this person. Daddy insisted on reading all of the e-mails that I had saved before i deleted it. Daddy says one day we will live out my fantasy, but He will decide when and with whom. I love Him so much, I am not so sure that I could be so forgiving and understanding if the shoe was on the other foot. He remained calm and loving as He blistered my bottom. He says I could of got hurt or worse by my actions. Why do I think that I can handle any situation that should arise? What makes me do the things I do? Believe it or not in every day life I am a responsible person, I am the caretaker, the bill payer, the problem solver. But in our secret world i am the child who gets into trouble at every turn. I need His guidance, His Discipline, His caretaking. How do I slip in and out of these two conflicting roles so effortlessly? When I am serious and in everyday situations you would never believe that there is this whole other side of me. When I am playful and it is me and The Daddy you wouldn't believe that I am as strong and level headed as I am.
I find that to be disturbing in one way and wonderful in another......
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Pouting......
I should be in bed sleeping right now, but I am just soooooo mad at The Daddy!!!!!! I HATE when he is grumpy! I know I am acting like a spoiled bratt, I know I am the one that made Him grumpy.....but...but...but....*groans* I was being bratty because He had spent time with a friend of His yeserday (too much as far as I am concerned) Well, i guess He really didn't....but i was missing Him (He did get home at 9:00pm) And He did playfully spank me as soon as we went upstairs. BUT......Oh I don't know why i get so bitchy...He came home right after work today and i was just having a major bratt attack! I was complaining, and whining,and pouting. He should of just put me over His knee and worked on my attitude, but He got ANGRY instead. *sighs* I would rather be spanked than have Him so mad a me! But He doesn't like when i intentionally Bratt for a spanking! Which I guess I was doing, but it didn't feel like it at the time. Finally He went to bed without me, which made me really angry! He did call me a little while ago, but i chose to ignore Him. (cut off my nose to spite my face) He just doesn't understand.....if we were back in N.Y. i would have my friends to go out with, but since we have moved to the country, i really don't have anyone to just hang with. Oh there are ladies from the Church that I have made friends with, but sometimes I would like to be with some friends who wouldn't be shocked about my lifestyle activities...*winks* I don't know but i don't think the sweet, church ladies would want to be talking about my favorite spanking toy or being tied to the patio railing..LOL
Well you never know, but i most certainly am not going to be the one to start the conversation!
Ahhhhh...what am i to do? I guess for now i will sneak off to bed and if The Daddy wakes up, i'll just pretend that i have no idea why He is so CRANKY. I'll snuggle up to Him and if He brings it up, i will tell Him He is crazy and He must have been dreaming! Night All......*smooches*
Well you never know, but i most certainly am not going to be the one to start the conversation!
Ahhhhh...what am i to do? I guess for now i will sneak off to bed and if The Daddy wakes up, i'll just pretend that i have no idea why He is so CRANKY. I'll snuggle up to Him and if He brings it up, i will tell Him He is crazy and He must have been dreaming! Night All......*smooches*
I'm Moving In!
I moved my stuff over here so i could continue on my journey and for those of you who might read this might get to know me a little. :) I don't know what it is but my computer works so much better over here! I can do what I want with NO WAITING!!!! Over the weekend The Daddy took me and two of our three girls to the zoo. It was a perfect day! The weather was just right, with a clear blue sky. We all had so much fun! My favorite is the petting zoo, The Daddy likes the bats (I'm not too crazy about flying furry things) The girls liked the penguins and the otters, and they had a blast at the fountains! My youngest (7 year old) fell in love with a big old sheep, she wanted to bring it home! It was a really lovable old thing and it stayed right by us wanting to be petted. My family embarrassed me...... we were getting ready to move out of the petting area and i forgot to wash my hands...*BLUSHING* My girls and The Daddy made such a big deal over it that everyone there stopped and turned around to look at me! They were smiling, but Geeeez was my face red! Here I am *The Mama* and my kids and Hubby are telling me to wash up! *cringes* To make matters worse the little one has to drag me over to the sink and then the 11 year old has to make an issue out of making sure I know how to use the soap dispenser. *HELLO* I am not an idiot, i do know how to wash my hands! Well at least i am glad everyone got a good chuckle over my forgetfulness!!!! *RASBERRIES* Okay...I am off to do some more exploring.....................................................
The Switch
The Daddy came home and ran a bath with lots of bubbles for me, (we had the house to ourselves for a couple of hours) I was kind of curious to what he was up to, I knew I had a punishment spanking coming to me and this is not how a punishment would usually start off. But Hey, who could resist a nice bubble bath? I might as well enjoy it! He called me to Him and undressed me and guided me into the tub. He told me to lay back and close my eyes. I obeyed Him (why wouldn't I?) He left the room and shut the light and I was in my own little heaven enjoying the warmth and comfort of the water and bubbles. After a while The Daddy returned and had me sit up on my knees as He washed me thoroughly. He shampooed my hair, careful not to get the soapy water in my eyes. And washed my body, not missing a spot. He had me get on my hands and knees and push up my bottom so he could soap up my little bottom hole and slide His finger deep inside, lingering there and making sure i was squeaky clean.*giggles* He reached under me and played with my clit. I wanted to cum already, but He would not let me. After a good, long cleansing, The Daddy drained the water from the tub and had me stand up so He could shower me off. He set the water at just the right temperature and proceeded to rinse the soap from my body. The Daddy had me face the shower wall and placed my hands above my head with my hands against the wall, then he spread my legs apart and told me to push my bottom out to Him. *UH-OOOOH* The next thing i FELT was the wooden bath brush burning its way into my left cheek. OMG...I knew I was in for it. He alternated between both cheeks so fast and hard that the tears started to flow almost right away. He warned me that if I moved from position I would be a very sorry young lady. Geez Daddy....How do you expect me NOT to move from position??????? I stupidly ignored His warning and threw my hands back to my searing WET, BURNING backside and tried to rub out some of the burn! I looked up at His angry face and hissed at Him *YOU ARE MEAN* Then the lecturing began...OH NO NOT THE LECTURING!!!!!!! To be quite honest at that time all I was hearing was BLAH...BLAH...BLAH... He took me by my wrist and guided me out of the tub, all the while Blah..blah..blahing away. He swatted me on the butt a few time for emphasis and then wrapped me in a towel. The words I was catching (bad behavior, attitude problem, disrespect,,etc...) was all i needed to hear to know i was in big trouble. He dried me off and sent me to the corner (nakey) to think about my actions and what was to come. I was cranky and not in the mood to co-operate, but i really didn't want to make matters worse. So there i stood, waiting...waiting....waiting...fidgeting...waiting...OH COME ON ALREADY...i don't want to think about it!!!!!!!! FINALLY...The MEAN Old Daddy returned and told me to come to Him. He warned me to get *That Look* off of my face or i was going to get it worse than i had already managed to make it. Hmphhhhh!!!!! BULLY (i thought to myself, i really didn't want to make it worse, i knew i was pushing it) I went to Him and He dressed me in just a pair of short white shorts (no panties) and a short white tee. He then slipped a pair of flip flops on my feet and told me to sit down while He brushed my hair and put it up on top of my head with a scrunchie. When He was done He pulled a chair in front of me and took my hands and told me He loved me. I was told that I earned myself a severe punishment because I had put myself and others in possible harms way, i had cost us money that we did not have to spend by behaving like a child and having a tantrum AND i was having trouble following directions and obeying, but first i was to go over His knee. My previous anger was now turning into feelings off guilt, Just HOW does He do that???????? I just looked at Him with my pouty face, but i did not fight Him, i willingly went across His lap. He left my shorts in place and He spanked my already sore bottom hard and long. He pulled me up and stood me in front of Him and told me i was to go outside and bring Him a switch....WHAT?????? i am sure i must of looked quite a site with a face wet from tears and my eyes bulginging like a scared deer!He wants me to do WHAT?????? I just stood there with an already throbbing bottom as fear raced through my body. WHAT????? A SWITCH???? He wants me to go get one?????? I was frozen in place, The Daddy never used a switch on my backside before and i was sure i didn't want Him to start now. He got up and handed me a hand clipper and pointed at the back door...*GO....NOW* I don't know how i managed to make my feet move, but i went out the back door and down the patio steps and slowly walked to the woods in our back yard. I looked over my shoulder and there He was leaning on the railing watching my every move. I am sure He was enjoying Himself. He motioned me to go on. My hands were shakey as i clipped a thin branch and brought it back to Him. He shook His head and said it would not do, Go back and pick another. Awwwwww come on...i can't do this, but i didn't want to push His buttons and have Him pick something evil! The tears were starting to flow again, how do i manage to get myself into these situations???? How can He expect me to pick something for Him to punish me with? This is just TOOO hard! *Hurry Up, stop procrastinating or I will come pick one* I reached out and grabbed another branch, thicker this time, clipped it off and brought it to Him. My eyes were lowered, i just couldn't look at Him inspecting that branch. Apparently it had His approval, because He began to clean it up and make sure there was nothing sharp to hurt me with...Oh come on, i know this is going to hurt, cleaned up or not! What is He talking about?????? I was so sorry for my actions that got me into this mess. He really didn't need to punish me any further. I tried to sell this to Him but it was not working. According to Him, i was about to be so sorry for my actions that i would never even think of behaving so carelessly again. My stomach was doing flip flops at the very thought! He bent me over the railing (our back yard is secluded) and tied my wrists to the rails. He knew i would have a hard time staying in place and He didn't want to have to start over again being this was my first meeting with the Switch. Once i was bound into place He slowly peeled down my shorts so my bottom was exposed. i felt a shiver go through me. He rubbed my already red bottom with His large hand and told me how much He loved me. He stepped back and ran the switch up and down my trembling ass cheeks, He raised the switch and i heard the swoosh as it landed on my bottom. I yelped as the first of many strikes fell upon me. i stomped my feet and promised to never, never, ever be bad again. i will be good, i WILL. The Daddy made sure i was a very sorry girl indeed. when He was satisfied that i had learned my lesson, He broke that wicked old switch in half and threw it off the patio and said He hoped to never have to punish me like that again. He untied my wrists and pulled me to Him as I cried and sobbed into His strong chest. He didn't break the skin, but my heiney had a lot of big red welts and i wasn't going to be able to sit comfortably for a while. He took me up to bed, pulled off my shorts and layed me on my belly.I sniffled * i am sorry Daddy* and He said *I know* as He rubbed the aloe cream gently onto my very sore bottom. He shut the lights and closed our bedroom door, He went and got the kids and tended to their needs and got them settled. He told them I had a headache and I needed to rest. When He locked up the house and came to bed He brought me a big bowl of *Daddys Special Icecream Sundaee* it is so yummy! He makes it with the works! And He fed me and cuddled me. Then we made the most incredible love. He was so gentle so not to cause me any more discomfort. I love Him so much. I will be good!!!!!!!!!! For a while anyway! *winks*
The Daddy came home and ran a bath with lots of bubbles for me, (we had the house to ourselves for a couple of hours) I was kind of curious to what he was up to, I knew I had a punishment spanking coming to me and this is not how a punishment would usually start off. But Hey, who could resist a nice bubble bath? I might as well enjoy it! He called me to Him and undressed me and guided me into the tub. He told me to lay back and close my eyes. I obeyed Him (why wouldn't I?) He left the room and shut the light and I was in my own little heaven enjoying the warmth and comfort of the water and bubbles. After a while The Daddy returned and had me sit up on my knees as He washed me thoroughly. He shampooed my hair, careful not to get the soapy water in my eyes. And washed my body, not missing a spot. He had me get on my hands and knees and push up my bottom so he could soap up my little bottom hole and slide His finger deep inside, lingering there and making sure i was squeaky clean.*giggles* He reached under me and played with my clit. I wanted to cum already, but He would not let me. After a good, long cleansing, The Daddy drained the water from the tub and had me stand up so He could shower me off. He set the water at just the right temperature and proceeded to rinse the soap from my body. The Daddy had me face the shower wall and placed my hands above my head with my hands against the wall, then he spread my legs apart and told me to push my bottom out to Him. *UH-OOOOH* The next thing i FELT was the wooden bath brush burning its way into my left cheek. OMG...I knew I was in for it. He alternated between both cheeks so fast and hard that the tears started to flow almost right away. He warned me that if I moved from position I would be a very sorry young lady. Geez Daddy....How do you expect me NOT to move from position??????? I stupidly ignored His warning and threw my hands back to my searing WET, BURNING backside and tried to rub out some of the burn! I looked up at His angry face and hissed at Him *YOU ARE MEAN* Then the lecturing began...OH NO NOT THE LECTURING!!!!!!! To be quite honest at that time all I was hearing was BLAH...BLAH...BLAH... He took me by my wrist and guided me out of the tub, all the while Blah..blah..blahing away. He swatted me on the butt a few time for emphasis and then wrapped me in a towel. The words I was catching (bad behavior, attitude problem, disrespect,,etc...) was all i needed to hear to know i was in big trouble. He dried me off and sent me to the corner (nakey) to think about my actions and what was to come. I was cranky and not in the mood to co-operate, but i really didn't want to make matters worse. So there i stood, waiting...waiting....waiting...fidgeting...waiting...OH COME ON ALREADY...i don't want to think about it!!!!!!!! FINALLY...The MEAN Old Daddy returned and told me to come to Him. He warned me to get *That Look* off of my face or i was going to get it worse than i had already managed to make it. Hmphhhhh!!!!! BULLY (i thought to myself, i really didn't want to make it worse, i knew i was pushing it) I went to Him and He dressed me in just a pair of short white shorts (no panties) and a short white tee. He then slipped a pair of flip flops on my feet and told me to sit down while He brushed my hair and put it up on top of my head with a scrunchie. When He was done He pulled a chair in front of me and took my hands and told me He loved me. I was told that I earned myself a severe punishment because I had put myself and others in possible harms way, i had cost us money that we did not have to spend by behaving like a child and having a tantrum AND i was having trouble following directions and obeying, but first i was to go over His knee. My previous anger was now turning into feelings off guilt, Just HOW does He do that???????? I just looked at Him with my pouty face, but i did not fight Him, i willingly went across His lap. He left my shorts in place and He spanked my already sore bottom hard and long. He pulled me up and stood me in front of Him and told me i was to go outside and bring Him a switch....WHAT?????? i am sure i must of looked quite a site with a face wet from tears and my eyes bulginging like a scared deer!He wants me to do WHAT?????? I just stood there with an already throbbing bottom as fear raced through my body. WHAT????? A SWITCH???? He wants me to go get one?????? I was frozen in place, The Daddy never used a switch on my backside before and i was sure i didn't want Him to start now. He got up and handed me a hand clipper and pointed at the back door...*GO....NOW* I don't know how i managed to make my feet move, but i went out the back door and down the patio steps and slowly walked to the woods in our back yard. I looked over my shoulder and there He was leaning on the railing watching my every move. I am sure He was enjoying Himself. He motioned me to go on. My hands were shakey as i clipped a thin branch and brought it back to Him. He shook His head and said it would not do, Go back and pick another. Awwwwww come on...i can't do this, but i didn't want to push His buttons and have Him pick something evil! The tears were starting to flow again, how do i manage to get myself into these situations???? How can He expect me to pick something for Him to punish me with? This is just TOOO hard! *Hurry Up, stop procrastinating or I will come pick one* I reached out and grabbed another branch, thicker this time, clipped it off and brought it to Him. My eyes were lowered, i just couldn't look at Him inspecting that branch. Apparently it had His approval, because He began to clean it up and make sure there was nothing sharp to hurt me with...Oh come on, i know this is going to hurt, cleaned up or not! What is He talking about?????? I was so sorry for my actions that got me into this mess. He really didn't need to punish me any further. I tried to sell this to Him but it was not working. According to Him, i was about to be so sorry for my actions that i would never even think of behaving so carelessly again. My stomach was doing flip flops at the very thought! He bent me over the railing (our back yard is secluded) and tied my wrists to the rails. He knew i would have a hard time staying in place and He didn't want to have to start over again being this was my first meeting with the Switch. Once i was bound into place He slowly peeled down my shorts so my bottom was exposed. i felt a shiver go through me. He rubbed my already red bottom with His large hand and told me how much He loved me. He stepped back and ran the switch up and down my trembling ass cheeks, He raised the switch and i heard the swoosh as it landed on my bottom. I yelped as the first of many strikes fell upon me. i stomped my feet and promised to never, never, ever be bad again. i will be good, i WILL. The Daddy made sure i was a very sorry girl indeed. when He was satisfied that i had learned my lesson, He broke that wicked old switch in half and threw it off the patio and said He hoped to never have to punish me like that again. He untied my wrists and pulled me to Him as I cried and sobbed into His strong chest. He didn't break the skin, but my heiney had a lot of big red welts and i wasn't going to be able to sit comfortably for a while. He took me up to bed, pulled off my shorts and layed me on my belly.I sniffled * i am sorry Daddy* and He said *I know* as He rubbed the aloe cream gently onto my very sore bottom. He shut the lights and closed our bedroom door, He went and got the kids and tended to their needs and got them settled. He told them I had a headache and I needed to rest. When He locked up the house and came to bed He brought me a big bowl of *Daddys Special Icecream Sundaee* it is so yummy! He makes it with the works! And He fed me and cuddled me. Then we made the most incredible love. He was so gentle so not to cause me any more discomfort. I love Him so much. I will be good!!!!!!!!!! For a while anyway! *winks*
Oh, I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin! Hubby put me over His knee this morning *sniffles* but He said *This is only a warm up spanking* WARM UP????? WARM UP?????? He spanked my bottom all morning long, I can hardly sit at my computer, and He calls that a warm up? I can't stay on long or I will be in more trouble than I already am, He just left to take the kids to their schools, we will be alone until about 10pm*shudders in antisipation* I was so humiliated, He was spanking me so hard that the spanks were echoing and I was squealing after each one landed, and all of a sudden there was a knock at the door. It was my old distric manager coming to see if I wanted to work for her again. I ran to the bathroom with my scorched bottom bared for anyone who looked in a window could see. (I HOPE SHE DIDN"T LOOK IN THE WINDOW!!!!) and we didn't go to the door, but I know she HAD to hear! I have to get back to her (she left the paper work between the screen) My face is going to be as red as my bottom! Why do i always seem to get myself into these situations????? I WILL be good...I WILL...I WILL...Daddy just laughed and said i get what i deserve! Hmmphhhh! *stomping feet* I better go...i want to hide..*shhhhhhh* the wicked bathbrush, and the hairbrush...and a few paddles...and...and...hell, i wanna hide it all...*wicked grin* Think He will notice?????
I haven't been here in a while because I have been feeling very bad and guilty. I have been avoiding the topic of spanking because I know I have been deserving a *REAL* punishment spanking and you all know how very different that is. Let me explain from the start of my dilema....I was in a severe cranky and bratty mood, I was mad at the world for various reasons. I had just gotten into an argument with my daughter and when I left the house I really should not of been driving in that state of mind. I got in the car and I was beating on it (Driving very fast and going from zero to 60 at every light and stop sign when it was my turn to go) I was driving like a nut (I really am ashamed of my behavior) I know that I put myself and others in possible danger. The next morning (my behavior from the day before completly forgotten) I get the kids ready for school, go out to the car, it starts up fine, but when I was driving it was making a weird sound almost like a lawn mower. I was thinking *Now, what is this?* I mentioned the noise to Hubby but we didn't use my car for the rest of the weekend (This happened Friday morning) Hubby didn't get a chance to look at it because we were busy. On Sunday morning we went to Church with all the kids in His car, after service the kids had Sunday School so He decided to take me home and then drive my car back to get the kids so He could see what kind of noise it was making and what exactly was going on. He was gone about 15 minutes and I get *THE PHONE CALL* the car is stuck and won't move an inch. I won't go into all that took place at that time, but Hubby was not a happy camper. Fast Forward...the car is at the shop, takes a few days for the mechanic to look at it, we go up to talk to the guy and he says the transmission is shot. He was kind of scratching his head because Hubby is telling him that the car showed no signs of having a problem at all. The mechanic tells Hubby that he can smell that the transmission is burnt up and opens the hood for Hubby to take a whiff. Then it hits me, I beat the shit out of the car the day before it happened. *MEGA CRINGE* The mechanic is kind of shrugging his shoulders and asks if we had gotten stuck in the snow or ice, that maybe we burnt it out that way. AHHHHHHHH AN OUT! I chirp in..yes,yes...I remember, that is what happened, I got stuck in the driveway and I was rocking it to get it out (shifting it into reverse and drive) *LIES>>>LIES>>>LIES* Well now it is just getting worse and worser (LOL) it is going to cost $1000 (maybe more if problems come up) to get it fixed (which we couldn't do right then) We couldn't have the dealer fix it (the warranty just ran out and we were also 500 miles over the limit) I need a car because my 2 older girls are both in plays and they both have after school rehersals Mon- Thurs in DIFFERENT schools! OYYYYYYY We ended up having two of our Church members help with the girls for two weeks. And we towed my car home until we can fix it (the dealer let us skip two payments) and we picked up an ugly mini van for me to use (Hey! can't that count as my punishment) Lets just say the things that happened because of my recklessness has inconvienced a LOT of people and caused a LOT of problems. I have lived with this guilt for just about a month now, and I have had to keep up with my charade this whole time. I feel so sick inside. so last night while Hubby was rubbing my back at bedtime I told Him I had a confession to make. As soon as I opened my BIG mouth, I wanted to change my mind. But Hubby was determined to hear my confession. The tears were streaming down my cheeks before I even got the truth out. What hurt even more was the silence and the heavy sigh that He let out. He told me He loves me even though I can be so very bad. but I will be punished because I am totally out of controll. I know full well this is not a spanking that I will like. And the not knowing when it will take place is killing me! I just want it over with and be done with all these guilt feelings. I really have to go now, I am not supposed to be on the computer right now. (will I ever learn to be good?) I will return as soon as this is over.....with tear stained face and crimson cheeks, but I will be free of all that has been tearing me apart inside........
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